Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Dear Aidan

You came into my life exactly one year ago today. I have been friends with your mama for several years now. We met on an online 'mommy club'. Your sister Isabella and my little girl Zoey are the same age. I remember when your mommy told me that she was pregnant with you. I cried tears of happiness! You were a very much wanted baby. Your mama and daddy had a pretty good life before you were born. Your sister and brother, Michael-Xavier, filled their life with love. Having you was only going to make their lives that much sweeter and perfect.

I had several conversations with your mommy and she was always so cautiously optimistic about the pregnancy.We all tried to calm her fears, but her maternal instincts were too strong. One year ago today something went wrong. Horribly wrong. In an instant, you were gone. I remember hearing "She lost the baby." Lost the baby. Like you were a pair of keys or something that you can just misplace.

You were so tiny when you were born. I never saw you, but I heard that you were just beautiful and that you already looked like your siblings. I'm sure you were simply gorgeous.

For the past year I've seen the hurt and pain your mom lives with. I'd do just about anything to take that pain away. I don't know why these things happen to such good people. Your mom is one of my best friends and it kills me to see her going through this. I know from personal experience that every day gets a little easier and a little less painful, but your heart still aches. I am not going to pretend to know what your family is feeling because I have never been in their shoes. I'm sure their world is a little less sunny without you in it.

Your life and death has made an imprint on my life. I think about you daily. I miss you. I miss the person you would have been. Is it strange even though you weren't my child? I am certain you would have done amazing things in your life.

After you passed away, your mama told me that she is comforted by the fact that when the wind blows, she feels your presence. Although I am thousands of miles away from your family, the wind is blowing here. As I feel the breeze touch my skin, I think I can feel it as well.

"I dropped a tear in the ocean. The day you find it is the day I will stop missing you."


Kara said...

Amanda this post is so beautiful! Just precious, I could not help but cry when I read it. To Aidan's mommy I'm thinking of you and and your family today and everyday. Please know you are surrounded by so many people that love you all. ((HUGS))

Carrie C said...

This is beautiful!