Thursday, April 21, 2011

Sending Birthday Wishes To Heaven

April 22nd would have been my grandma Vonnie's birthday. She passed away on July 25, 2008. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her and miss her. It's been nearly 3 years but I still love her so much. I know I've talked about her before (as well as my grandpa.) This morning I stumbled across a blog from two years ago today.

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Tomorrow would have been my grandma's birthday. Normally she most likely would have gotten around, maybe done a little shopping, and then spent the rest of the day at the casino. Oh, and to top the day off she'd come home and eat a big bowl of ice cream! This year she is spending her birthday in heaven. This Saturday it will be 9 months since she passed. I miss her SO much!!

As soon as I found out I was pregnant I have wanted this baby to be born on April 22nd. I was bound and determined to do whatever I could to make this happen. And then all of a sudden something changed. I don't know what it was. All of a sudden it was just another day. Having this baby born on what would have been my grandma's birthday would not bring her back. I came to terms with the fact that my baby would have its own birthdate. One that was chosen by my OB.

I miss my grandma so much. I really do. You have no idea. I think about her every day. I dream about her all the time. I really feel as though I am having this baby because of her. I know that sounds weird, but it's true.

The husband and I started to try for another baby in May 2007. Nothing was happening and then in May of 2008 I was told I would most likely never get pregnant again. I decided to give up and went on the pill. I wasn't happy about it, but I was tired of feeling like a failure. I was on the pill and then grandma passed away in July. Two weeks later I had a doctors appointment. Again I was told I would never conceive again. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant. A month to the day after grandma died. That's some crazy shit right there! I have always said that my grandma gave great gifts, but I feel as though this baby is her greatest gift she could have given me. I honestly feel as though she is my guardian angel as well.

While I have come to terms with the fact that my baby won't be born on the same date as my grandma, I still have hope. It's not a lot, but its there. :)

Grandma: I love you and miss you so much. I hope you have a great birthday. While I most likely won't be walking around a casino tomorrow, I will enjoy and extra scoop of ice cream for you though! Happy Birthday!


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Like I said earlier, I wrote this two years ago today. I was 9 months pregnant. I was a ball of emotions. On the morning of Wednesday, April 22, 2009 I woke up and was having contractions every 10 minutes. They were not increasing in pain or frequency so I didn't think it was 'it'. My baby, a boy, a perfect baby boy, was born that evening. I am still amazed that he chose my grandma's birthday for his own. Though I wish my grandma was still here to celebrate her birthday with my son, I am excited to tell him all about her as he gets older

1 comment:

ser·en·dip·i·ty said...

That's the best way to think of them!