Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Friday, September 30, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
I had several conversations with your mommy and she was always so cautiously optimistic about the pregnancy.We all tried to calm her fears, but her maternal instincts were too strong. One year ago today something went wrong. Horribly wrong. In an instant, you were gone. I remember hearing "She lost the baby." Lost the baby. Like you were a pair of keys or something that you can just misplace.
You were so tiny when you were born. I never saw you, but I heard that you were just beautiful and that you already looked like your siblings. I'm sure you were simply gorgeous.
For the past year I've seen the hurt and pain your mom lives with. I'd do just about anything to take that pain away. I don't know why these things happen to such good people. Your mom is one of my best friends and it kills me to see her going through this. I know from personal experience that every day gets a little easier and a little less painful, but your heart still aches. I am not going to pretend to know what your family is feeling because I have never been in their shoes. I'm sure their world is a little less sunny without you in it.
Your life and death has made an imprint on my life. I think about you daily. I miss you. I miss the person you would have been. Is it strange even though you weren't my child? I am certain you would have done amazing things in your life.
After you passed away, your mama told me that she is comforted by the fact that when the wind blows, she feels your presence. Although I am thousands of miles away from your family, the wind is blowing here. As I feel the breeze touch my skin, I think I can feel it as well.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
I am proud to say that I nursed my son for one year. Yes, I know that so many other women nurse for much longer, however I had many things working against me. When my daughter was born in 2006 I wanted to breastfeed her. It just seemed right. Natural. However, we had so many problems those first few days. On the third day of her life, she had lost a lot of weight and wouldn't nurse and had to have and IV placed in her arm to feed her. As a new mom, I was scared. I was scared of what could happen and having just been through a hard labor with eventual c/section, I wasn't in any mood to argue with the doctors. She refused the bottle at first too. This actual made me feel a bit better because I was no longer convinced that she just didn't like me. (Sounds silly when I type it out!) Finally she took to the bottle, had the IV removed and we were good to go home. It was a lot less stressful at the house and I was free to try to nurse again. By that point however, she wanted nothing to do with it. Also, my milk never came in. (I now know that if I had been trying to pump regularly, it would have helped tremendously.) I was fortunate enough that I could pump a few ounces of colostrum and give her that. It's been five years, and I have so many regrets. (Some that pertain to breastfeeding/formula feeding, some not. But I will have a blog post on that later.)
I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and it makes getting pregnant very difficult. At least in my case. When I FINALLY became pregnant with my second child, I knew I wanted to breastfeed. I started researching PCOS and its effect on breastfeeding. To be honest, it didn't look hopeful. I was still bound and determine to nurse. I never gave myself a goal on a timeline. I just wanted to nurse my child. I was met with a lot of negativity when I voiced my desire to nurse my child. I had zero to little support. I was feeling discouraged, but I still wanted to at least give it a try. I had been told several times that I would never even be able to conceive another child and I had, so when I was told I would not be able to breastfeed several times, it lit a fire in me and I became even more determined. I had done loads of research and knew I was going to give it my all. Finally after nine long months, my baby was born. A boy. We named him Ford Donald Robert. He was born on April 22, 2009 and was 10 pounds 8.5 ounces and was 20.5 inches long. He was PERFECT. So handsome. After my doctors were done closing me up (I had a c/section.), I went to my room. It was time for that first latch. I was so nervous. What if my baby rejected my breast again? All of those feelings of defeat would come back. To my surprise, he latched on right away and started sucking. He did it again. And again, and again. We had no problems!
I really believe that America over-sexualizes breasts. I mean, everywhere you look, TV, movies, music videos, magazines, billboards, etc, all you see is boobs, boobs, boobs! And you know what, that is fine. It really takes a lot to offend me. However, one thing I absolutely CANNOT stand is when people think breastfeeding is 'gross' and 'offensive'. How is feeding your baby gross? It's one of the most natural things you can do. Boobs are made for breastfeeding! I was not afraid to nurse my child in public. I refused to hide in a bathroom or put a blanket over his head because it might offend someone. When I see a mother nursing in public, I kind of smile to her. I try to encourage nursing mothers. It's time to bring normal back!
it is the best choice for every baby."
Because this post is getting pretty long, I'm going to end it with a few pictures from my collection of nursing pictures. I love each and every one of these pictures. I'm sorry if these images offend you. It was not my intention. However I will continue to post these types of pictures in an attempt to normalize breastfeeding. It is nothing to be ashamed of. I really hope you enjoy these pictures.
Watching my baby eat. Always so calm and peaceful.
Even when he wasn't eating, he still wanted to be close to them.
Love how he's looking at me here!
Big sister Zoey wanted to be in the picture too! I'm so glad she will grow up knowing
that breastfeeding is normal, healthy and the natural thing to do.
Oh no! There's a lion on my boob!
Sissy wanted to help feed her brother. I pumped so she could help.
This is one of my favorite pictures of Ford nursing.
He was about 10 months here. I love the way he's looking at me.
"When she first felt her son's groping mouth attach itself to her breast, a wave of sweet vibration thrilled deep inside and radiated to all parts of her body; it was similar to love, but it went beyond a lover's caress, it brought a great calm happiness, a great happy calm."
(For 101 reasons to consider breastmilk, click here!)
Monday, July 25, 2011
This was three years ago today. Not a day has gone by that I am not reminded of my grandma. Whether it's seeing a picture of her, someone mentioning an inside joke, a beautiful butterfly or hummingbird, or just seeing a glimpse of her in my children. I feel her presence. I would give almost anything to be able to see her, or even talk to her, just one more time. I want to tell her I love her. I want her to meet my son. Ford was born 9 months after she passed away. He chose her birthday for his own. It still gives me goosebumps when I think about it.
I don't think I'll ever stop missing her. I love her too much. I think the reason I still get so emotional over everything is BECAUSE of how much I love her. Grandma Vonnie was a pretty great person. I don't think I've ever met anyone who would disagree with that. I am proud to call myself her granddaughter. And because I have cried more while writing this post than I have in a long time, I am going to end it here. I have a couple of pictures to share too. :)
All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.
- Helen Keller
Friday, June 17, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
There are too many voids
So many indeed
And not enough people to fill the need
The children are calling
Saying 'Please show us the way.
Will you stand with us at the end of the day?'
There are so many fears and so much to do
But really, all it takes is a few minutes from each of you
Our systems, they are failing
And our funding is poor
What will they eat? Will they sleep on the floor?
Faith and hope emerge as we spread the word
Yes, I will help your little voices be heard
Join us today, as our future we embrace
No longer to be ignored in a political race
We stand together and unique is our bond
Parents and children, united and strong
Yes Lansing, we are here and you need to listen
We will not leave until we accomplish our mission
Our community is with us, They know what to do
They teach us and they guide us, the rest is up to you
Leaders, hear our cries and recognize our strife
Do not cut into our futures with your budgetary knife
We are the children of Michigan, knocking at your door
We will not sit silently in the corner anymore
We stand here today, with the Great Start Collaborative
We the children, the future, of this great nation
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Tomorrow would have been my grandma's birthday. Normally she most likely would have gotten around, maybe done a little shopping, and then spent the rest of the day at the casino. Oh, and to top the day off she'd come home and eat a big bowl of ice cream! This year she is spending her birthday in heaven. This Saturday it will be 9 months since she passed. I miss her SO much!!
As soon as I found out I was pregnant I have wanted this baby to be born on April 22nd. I was bound and determined to do whatever I could to make this happen. And then all of a sudden something changed. I don't know what it was. All of a sudden it was just another day. Having this baby born on what would have been my grandma's birthday would not bring her back. I came to terms with the fact that my baby would have its own birthdate. One that was chosen by my OB.
I miss my grandma so much. I really do. You have no idea. I think about her every day. I dream about her all the time. I really feel as though I am having this baby because of her. I know that sounds weird, but it's true.
The husband and I started to try for another baby in May 2007. Nothing was happening and then in May of 2008 I was told I would most likely never get pregnant again. I decided to give up and went on the pill. I wasn't happy about it, but I was tired of feeling like a failure. I was on the pill and then grandma passed away in July. Two weeks later I had a doctors appointment. Again I was told I would never conceive again. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant. A month to the day after grandma died. That's some crazy shit right there! I have always said that my grandma gave great gifts, but I feel as though this baby is her greatest gift she could have given me. I honestly feel as though she is my guardian angel as well.
While I have come to terms with the fact that my baby won't be born on the same date as my grandma, I still have hope. It's not a lot, but its there. :)
Grandma: I love you and miss you so much. I hope you have a great birthday. While I most likely won't be walking around a casino tomorrow, I will enjoy and extra scoop of ice cream for you though! Happy Birthday!
Like I said earlier, I wrote this two years ago today. I was 9 months pregnant. I was a ball of emotions. On the morning of Wednesday, April 22, 2009 I woke up and was having contractions every 10 minutes. They were not increasing in pain or frequency so I didn't think it was 'it'. My baby, a boy, a perfect baby boy, was born that evening. I am still amazed that he chose my grandma's birthday for his own. Though I wish my grandma was still here to celebrate her birthday with my son, I am excited to tell him all about her as he gets older
Sunday, April 17, 2011
I hope you don't think I am complaining about all this. I'm really not. I LIKE keeping busy. I'm just worried that I keep taking on too many things and I'm going to forget something major. I'm horrible at writing things down on my calendar or schedule, and let's face it, my memory is not as great as it used to be. Haha! My friend and her boyfriend visited us at our house today and it was really nice. We don't 'hang out' as much anymore but this visit today made me realize that I want to make more of an effort to visit them. Hoping we can get together for some double dates within the next couple of months.
If you don't see me around for a while, you'll know why. :)
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
This was our Sunday afternoon. We went from no snow, to about 4 inches in probably just as many hours. It soon turned to rain and when we woke the next morning, only an inch of snow remained. It's getting fairly 'warm' during the days (think mid-40's) so by now the snow is gone. It makes me nervous though because it should be warming up for good by now. I know, I know, I'm in Michigan so I should be used to the crazy weather changes, but I am so sick of the snow and cold temps. I'm not usually one to complain about the weather (except in the summer. Fat people and triple degree temperatures DO NOT mix well!) but this is getting ridiculous. I long for the day when we can leave the house without bundling the kids up in their big coats, hats, etc. I want to wear short sleeve shirts and cute sandals! (Note to self, write 'pedicure' on the list of things to do.) I see the robins out playing and it gives me hope. While I was outside with the kids today I did see my tulips poking out of the ground. Perhaps those 'May flowers' are on their way after all.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
My husband's grandparents live right on Lake Huron and it makes for some pretty
incredible sunsets. I love spending time there. It really is one of
my most favorite places ever.